Untitled

So as it turns out when Norm sent me the last message him and EX had broken up. So after the message on facebook a week went by and we didn’t  talk so the next week I made a point to get alone with him so we could talk. EX was there and it was awkward to tell him I wanted to talk to norm alone. so norm and I sit down to talk, he tells me that he’s sorry for the way he treated me and that he new I did not deserve to be treated that way.

Then we start talking about are relationships with Ex and there are a lot of  similarities in how they went. in the begging they went off with out a hitch. so for about 2 too 3 weeks everything was peachy then after that it all go’s down hill.

Norm said that the reason that he treated me the way he did was because he was jealous of the fact that EX and I had been intamit and Ex wasn’t with him and how Ex and I were texting.

the truth is that I was jealous of them. My relationship with Ex had only lasted 5 and half weeks. By the end of if and after I felt like crap worn out and used. I should point out that I hadn’t been out of the closet for every long and this was my first relationship so I put a lot in to it.

Then any time I had seen them together they looked happy. Norm told me a lot and there relationship went the same way mine did. 

it seems are mutual ex boy friend has a habit of going for a guy then just sucking the life out of them. As Norm put it “emotional rape”. Ex always has to be the victim in just about everything, he will twist the truth to make himself sound better in all situations.  

So now norm and I talk a lot. As it turns out he’s a nice guy and we seem to have a lot in common. It reminds why before he met Ex and before Ex and I started dating I had a crush on him.

When I mean we talk a lot I mean we talk almost every day now and have started flirting a little.  

Ex picked a fight shortly after norm and I started talking  and hasn’t spoken to me sense. I am perfectly ok with that. 

Its been over a month sense the HIV scare guy and I feel a bit better. the other day I went and got tested like they told me 2. the nurse  tested my blood in 5 min and it came back negative. I feel good about things but at the same time there is still that thought in the back of my mind saying ” every thing is fine……… so far”.

I still get nervous and scared if I think about it to much.

today I went to see a counsellor today at a clinic in town and now I feel a lot better. She was understanding and had been through this many times with other guys. she gave me lots of info so and tools to help with the stress. she said ” for most people it would have shown up by now. but there are some late bloomers”.

So now I feel a bit more hopeful about what’s happening. she wants me to come back before my next testing and I think I will. Dealing with problems is a lot easier when you have people to talk to.

I’m going 2 change the names of the people involved in this story. for starters I’m going to call myself Ace.  

When my boyfriend (we will call him EX 2 make it easier ) and I broke up it was not a good 1. For a few months after I pretended that he didn’t exists I wouldn’t talk 2 him or when he was near by I would turn my back 2 him. 

I should probably point out that I live in a city with a small queer community.  

But any way we started talking again and then I found out that he was seeing some 1 (again I will use a another name Norm) . This person seemed 2 be a nice person. months before when ever I would be talking to some 1 he would burst into the conversion and ignore me completely. would strike up conversions with my friends but again ignore me. 

then as they started dating Norm would shoot me nasty looks or make remarks to put me down or flat out ignore me.  

This has gone on for about 4 months.  

I should probably point out that I don’t want to be friends with this person I just feet that I didn’t do anything to him and I don’t deserve 2 me treated this way.  

Then the other day Norm sent me this message on Facebook and this is are discussion 

Hello Ace ,

I want to apologize to you. During my relation with Ex, I treated you quite poorly. There were reason for that, of I’m not going to get into, but you did not deserve to be treated so poorly. This is only a short message because I don’t believe in doing these things over Facebook. I don’t think we can be friends per se, but I would appreciate it if we could be acquaintances. I would like to be on reasonable terms with you.

Thank you for your time reading this,
Norm.

ACE

ok

I’m ready to listen
guess we will be talking some time later on 

Norm
Thank you.

the reason I have started a blog is because I seem 2 have a lot bothering me lately.

for years people have told me to write things down or to keep a journal but every time i would try it has never felt right so for some reason blogging the other night helped a lot so I think from now on I have found so way 2 help myself feel better.

I hate when every thing seems wrong in your life and you can’t tell the people around you because they will ether they will be worried about you which will not help or they will think less of you.

Like a couple of weeks ago I went home with a guy and we fooled around. He seemed nerves and keeps getting up 2 have a smoke. Then after we were done and sober I realized I haven’t asked the question that I ask every time.

Are you D&D (drug and disease) free?

He looks at me and says” you should have asked that question before” then says ” I’m HIV positive ” then tells me that his viral count is at zero. he gives me his doctors name and a tone of info. this whole time he keeps saying ” Its no big deal”. he offers to come to the ER with me but is way to drunk 2 at this point.

I walked down by myself to the nearest ER at 4 am.

ever sense then I’m scared!

I don’t know what 2 do excepted get tested when they told me to and that’s all I can do. 

Every time I think about it I get nerves and want 2 cry. I just keep telling my self its all going 2 be ok.

Dose any 1 else do anything when they get scared?